Judgement Free

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself"

(Wayne Dyer)

Imagine how life would look like if we stop judging our environment, others and especially ourselves. Imagine how you would feel and imagine how others would feel in return, don't you think we deserve to live in a better way? 

The theory is pretty simple, we can stop being judgy about everything in our lives and simply be happy. However, life doesn't really look like this. It's not all pink with unicorns and rainbows like our mommy used to paint it for us. Life is much better than just rainbows and unicorns from the moment you've grown up and trying to figure out for yourself what you'd like to do with your life without being judged. The reality is a little different from the one that mommy painted.

People are all different from one another which brings more color to life, but we need to be very conscious of who we're surrounding ourselves with. Who we surround ourselves with is who we eventually become. When I was younger I surrounded myself with girls who wanted to be friends of mine because I had a lot of games and dolls to play with. I had nice stuff, maybe nicer than they had but I didn't realize at that time that they were sticking around because of my nice stuff. It wasn't until I became 16 or 17 and realized that I had a friend who only wanted to be around me, because I had cool stuff not because I was interesting to her or aligned with her soul. 

This is one of the things nobody teaches us, this is one of the things we all learn in our own. 

How is this related to judging? Authentic relationships (not just romantic relationships) summarize with unconditional love. That means that the person or a group I am surrounded with is hanging out with me because of the person I am and not because I am cool or have cool stuff. Authentic relationships do not have terms and people usually do not have expectations from one another. As long as people do not expect anything in return, this relationship could last for a lifetime. This is the beauty of it. Next time you're catching yourself hanging out with people you're not aligned to anymore, simply let them go and find someone who will. It's never too late to do that, your soul thrives for an authentic relationship and you deserve to have at least one authentic relationship.

I am the living and breathing example, I didn't make a difference between authentic and egoic relationships, I've seen them as equal. I didn't know that egoic and authentic relationships exist, because no one told me the difference. My mom always claimed that there are not true and honest relationships with people, because she believed and maybe still believes to that day that there's no such a thing, it doesn't exist. The only authentic relationship that exists is the one with family. I agree with my mom that family is important and that it knows me best, but I truly believe authentic relationships exist between friends and partners. 

When I was in high school I had a group of girlfriends with whom I used to hang out on breaks, because I didn't want to be alone. I ended up having expectations because I wanted them to be like me and act perfectly in everything. They were always late and I didn't like this quality in them. They were always late to social events and birthday parties or they canceled the last minute when I almost left my house. I felt terrible, confused and so angry with them but I acted like nothing happened the next day. This is the kind of expectation that ruined eventually our so-called friendship. Later on, I realized it wasn't true friendship, because we only hung out at schoolyard together but we didn't often hang out beyond the school property. 

After graduating high school, we were no longer in contact and I am grateful for freeing myself from that kind of friendship. 

Now I understand the power of authentic relationship, when I was back in high school I desperately wanted to experience authentic and thriving relationships- I didn't get what I want.

You see, when you want something desperately you do not get it at all because you signal the universe that you're desperate for something which is always the wrong reason to want something. When I graduated high school, I started to look at things differently. I wasn't in a desperate situation and just surrendered to the universe. I wasn't noticing back then what I was doing but all of a sudden, I got what I wanted two years ago. I attracted two authentic relationships, one of them turned out to be true friendship and the other one turned to be a relationship with a person I truly feel comfortable and protected the most. Actually, I wasn't looking for a relationship at 20 years old. Let's face it I am still young and not experienced in that field, but I saw how amazing he is and we eventually gave it a chance. From a friendship we had for three years at high school, we became very close after graduation. We weren't dating right away, it just sort of happened with time. We didn't even notice it unfolded this way, but we both truly grateful we found each other this way. He's one of my true and honest friends EVER and I am grateful for him taking an active part in my life. The second friendship I attracted is my childhood friend with whom I was friends with back when I was eight years old. We were in a close relationship with her family, but lost contact one we moved out. We met again in my senior year at high school and reconnected, and it turned out to be a very authentic relationship that lasts until now. I am so grateful for this friendship because now I have the right perspective on how true friendships should really look like.

You're asking again how is this connecting to our very first topic? I am glad you didn't lose track. 

We're judging each day hundreds of people without even noticing we do so, it can start with our closest people and continue to random people on the street. The worst case is judging ourselves and let's admit it, our ego is doing a wonderful job when it comes to self-judgment. It wants us to stay in a fear town and prevents us from thriving for what we truly want and seek and it prevents us to think clearly or it also feeds us with different and random fears if we let the ego control. Once we do not give it control, it disappears because it cannot survive in the present moment (more on that later on). 

So how do authentic relationships affect our lives? when we have people to connect with and I mean true and reliable people, our ego vanishes. We stop judging ourselves and stop judging the people we love. We stay in the present moment and become happier and more grateful every single day. One of our expectations go (happens usually in authentic relationships), we're in more flow and feel nothing but happiness and joy. Of course, there are struggles with this too, none of us is perfect and you should remember to not seek perfection (for the perfectionists among us). Once your ego wants to run off with the story again, remind yourself to stay grounded and practice presence. 

Authentic relationships really reflect on how we look at ourselves. As long as we surround ourselves in healthy relationships, it emphasizes the self-love act towards ourselves which is completely not selfish. I remember what Melissa Ambrosini has said once on her podcast: "self-love is not selfish... you have to put your air mask first before you put it on your husband and kids". This means we should take care of ourselves first before we continue to help others, otherwise, we're doing a disservice for the rest. 

I know that Judgment is part of our nature, but it also ruins our spiritual chakra and makes us miserable. Therefore, we should give it a try to let all the expectations and judgment go with no guilt or shame. Once you catch yourself judging yourself or others, let all the negative feelings go away and become present at the moment. If you feel like judging someone or you feel you're too hard on yourself, do something that you love like meditation practice, journal your feelings (helps a lot to dive deeper into your soul), draw, read, exercise whatever makes you happy. The other thing you can do is talking about it with someone you trust and truly care about (authentic relationships again). Express yourself naturally and also use affirmations for boosting your positive energy. 

Some good affirmations that can help you are the "I am" statements: 

I am love.

I am enough.

I am abundant.

I am smart.

I am thriving with positive energy. 

I smile a lot for myself and for others.

I love myself always and forever in any circumstance. 

Affirmations are very simple to repeat, but the key is to really believe in what you say out loud or in your mind. However you prefer to say them, do it with love and grace. Truly own it and mean it.

With that being said, thank you so much for devoting the time to read this.

I am truly grateful for all of you, my dear readers and happy you can get some benefits from each post.

Until next time, I am wishing you a great Sunday! spend this time mindfully and enjoy it.

Best wishes,

Lea.

 !Another quote to sparkle your wonderful day